Written by Martha Hopler (crafted with Hillary Augustine Vandenbos)“The matryoshka doll made me want to discover and celebrate my mother-daughter story. “
Quote from Sue Monk Kidd’s book, The Dance of The Dissident Daughter
This statement stopped me when I first read Kidd’s book. I had to remember what matryoshka dolls looked like: they are dolls carved in the shape of a woman that stack inside each other and often have a family story painted on them. What I did not know was that matryoshka is the Russian word for mother. I was surprised that something created in a family context in another culture might help me to have a more clear picture of what it means to celebrate my story as a woman and as a daughter. I found myself wanting to run out and buy one of these dolls to see if there was something magical about the doll itself that would lead to a celebration of my mother-daughter story. But as I explored this thought further, I realized that for me the key phrase in Sue Monk Kidd’s statement is “to discover,” a curious uncovering of some sort. One woman into another, this reminds us that we are not alone.
I pondered Kidd's statement for a few moments longer; it caught me in a way that creates a desire to explore more. I am not often invited to discover or celebrate what it means to be a woman. I do want to be a woman who celebrates and enjoys being a daughter and a woman, but how I get there is often very unclear to me. For the moment, I go to the doll I now have in my possession. The matryoshka doll in my care was given to Hillary by her brother-in-law who worked and lived in Russia. The doll is beautiful. I enjoy taking it apart and putting it back together. But how does this further my desire to discover and celebrate my relationships to other women?
Reflecting back, as Hillary and I talked about where the doll came from, I realized that our conversation moved quite quickly from the doll itself into a conversation of discovery. How does one celebrate mothers and daughters in a culture that historically has not? What does it mean for a woman to allow the needed space for this to occur?
The hollowness of each doll reminds me that for us to join together as women we must have space in our lives to do so. And here is it is again – discovery - the physical way the doll is created has helped me stumble upon a truth. Maybe space is needed for the unclear entry or starting point in the mother-daughter conversation to become clear?
A conversation has begun as Hillary speaks of the doll’s significance for each of us and as I handle the doll’s many stackable pieces. Our relationships with other women, starting with the mother-daughter relationship, are going to begin in ways that might not have started yet. There needs to be places of discovery where the conversation regarding mother-daughter relationships is happening so that the importance of feminine relationships is recognized.
**Where is that place for you?**
